There’s a thin line between a genuine friend and a fake one.
The difference comes down to sincerity. A fake friend is someone who pretends to have your back, but in reality, they’re only looking out for themselves.
A true friend, though, stands by you through thick and thin, without any hidden agenda.
Psychology has some pretty straightforward indicators to help you identify the fakes in your life. And, let’s face it, we all need to know these.
Here are 10 simple ways to spot a fake friend, according to psychology.
1) They’re always around…when they need something
Fake friends have a knack for being conspicuously present when they need a favor.
This is a classic behavioral trait of a fake friend, as identified by psychology. The ‘fair-weather’ friend who only surfaces when they need help, support, or something that benefits them.
Think about it. Is there someone in your life who is always ready to take, but rarely ever gives back? Someone who only calls when they need a favor, advice or help?
This one-sided dynamic can be draining and is a clear sign you’re dealing with a fake friend.
But remember, it’s not about keeping score, but about balance. Real friendships involve mutual support and respect, not exploitation.
2) They disappear during tough times
A very personal example of this comes to mind for me.
I had a friend, let’s call him Jake, who was always up for the good times. We’d hang out, laugh, and enjoy some great moments. But the moment things got tough, Jake would be nowhere to be found.
When I lost my job and was going through a difficult time, Jake vanished. Calls went unanswered, texts ignored. It felt like he had dropped off the face of the earth.
But as soon as things were back on track for me and life was good again, guess who reappeared? Yup, Jake was back, acting like nothing had happened. It was at this point I realized that Jake wasn’t a true friend. He was there for the fun and good times but disappeared when things got challenging.
Psychology tells us that a true friend is one who sticks with you during tough times. If someone in your life behaves like Jake did with me, it might be time to reconsider their place in your life.
3) Their compliments often feel insincere
A fake friend’s compliments often don’t feel genuine. They might shower you with praises, but something about it just doesn’t sit right.
Our brains are wired to recognize and react to insincere gestures and compliments. This is because our instincts kick in, helping us identify potential threats, including those posed by fake friends.
If you often find yourself questioning the sincerity of a friend’s compliments, your brain might be picking up on subtle cues of insincerity. Trust your instincts, they’re usually right.
4) They rarely show genuine interest in your life
A key sign of a fake friend is their lack of genuine interest in your life.
True friends care about what’s going on with you – your successes, your struggles, your day-to-day experiences. They’ll ask about your work, your family, and your plans.
But a fake friend? They might ask how you are, but it often feels like a formality or a quick segue into talking about themselves.
If you find yourself in conversations where you’re doing all the listening and they’re doing all the talking, especially about themselves, it’s a red flag.
A friendship should be a two-way street, not a one-way monologue. So if they’re showing little to no interest in your life, it’s time to reassess that relationship.
5) They’re not there when you celebrate success
Ever noticed someone who conveniently disappears when you’ve got good news to share or when you’re celebrating a win? That’s a red flag.
A true friend celebrates your successes and is genuinely happy for you. They’re your cheerleaders, rooting for you every step of the way.
On the other hand, a fake friend might downplay your achievements, change the subject quickly, or even seem annoyed or envious.
If someone can’t rejoice in your happiness and celebrate your achievements with you, it’s likely that they’re not a real friend. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
6) They break your trust
Trust is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship. It’s the invisible thread that binds friends together.
When someone betrays your trust, it hurts. And it’s even more painful when it’s a friend. They might share your secrets, talk behind your back, or let you down when you’re counting on them.
A true friend values your trust and would never do anything to jeopardize it. They keep your secrets, defend you in your absence, and are reliable.
So if you’ve been hurt by a friend who broke your trust, remember this – one mistake can be forgiven, but if it becomes a pattern, it’s a sign of a fake friend.
Trust yourself and the feelings that surface. It’s okay to distance yourself from people who consistently break your trust. It doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself.
7) They make you feel drained
I once had a friend who was like an emotional vampire. Every time I spent time with them, I would feel drained, both emotionally and physically. It felt like they sucked the joy and energy out of me.
Their negativity, constant criticism, and self-centered attitude left me feeling exhausted and stressed. I realized that every interaction with them left me feeling worse about myself and my life.
That’s when I understood that this wasn’t a healthy friendship. A good friend should make you feel uplifted, understood, and positive, not leave you feeling drained or down.
So if there’s someone in your life whose presence consistently brings you down, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
8) They’re overly nice
You might think that a friend who’s always super nice is a good thing. But sometimes, it can be a warning sign.
A friend who’s always overly sweet and never has a critical thing to say might not be as genuine as they seem. It’s not normal or healthy for someone to agree with everything you say or to never have a differing opinion.
Real friends aren’t afraid to give you constructive criticism or to disagree with you when necessary. They care about you enough to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
If you have a friend who seems too good to be true, they just might be. Remember, genuine friendship isn’t about being nice all the time, it’s about being real.
9) They’re competitive in a negative way
A little friendly competition can be good. It can push us to improve and grow. But when it becomes constant and intense, it’s a sign of a fake friend.
A fake friend will often turn everything into a competition. Whether it’s about work, relationships, or personal achievements, they always want to do better than you. Instead of being happy for your success, they’ll try to outdo you or belittle your accomplishments.
This kind of competition isn’t healthy or supportive. A real friend will be your cheerleader, not your competitor. They’ll celebrate your victories, not compete with them.
So if you notice someone always trying to one-up you, they might not be as good a friend as you thought.
10) They don’t make you feel good about yourself
The most important thing to remember is this: a true friend makes you feel good about yourself. They uplift you, support you, and bring out the best in you.
A fake friend, on the other hand, tends to make you feel bad about yourself. They might put you down, belittle you, or make you feel like you’re not good enough.
So pay attention to how you feel after spending time with a friend. Do you feel uplifted and positive? Or do you feel down and drained?
Your feelings can be a powerful tool in identifying who’s a real friend and who’s fake. Trust them.
Final thought: It’s about respect
The crux of the matter boils down to one simple word: respect.
Respect for your individuality, your feelings, your aspirations, and your boundaries. A true friend respects all these aspects and more. They may not always agree with you, but they will always respect you.
On the flip side, a fake friend lacks this fundamental attribute. They might disrespect your time, your emotions, or even your personal space.
So consider this: if respect is missing from your relationship with a friend, it might be time to reassess. It’s not an easy decision to make, but it’s crucial for self-preservation and mental health.
Remember, it’s not just about identifying fake friends but also about recognizing and appreciating the real ones. After all, in the wise words of Walter Winchell, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
