Ever found yourself feeling like something’s just a bit off in a relationship, but you can’t quite put your finger on it?
Sometimes, the answer lies in the need for validation—a craving for approval that can subtly, or not-so-subtly, affect how someone acts in a relationship.
The tricky part? Many people displaying these behaviors don’t even realize they’re doing it.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how this unconscious need for validation can shape dynamics between partners in unexpected ways. Today, we’re breaking down seven common relationship behaviors that often stem from an unhealthy hunger for validation.
Ready to dive in and uncover the signs? Let’s get started.
1) Over-apologizing
Now, this one might surprise you. After all, apologizing when we’re in the wrong is a good thing, right?
Absolutely. But there’s a fine line between owning up to your mistakes and constantly saying “I’m sorry” for things that aren’t even your fault.
People with an unhealthy need for validation often apologize excessively as a way to preempt conflict or gain reassurance. It becomes less about the actual situation and more about seeking approval or avoiding rejection.
It’s important to remember that we all make mistakes, and it’s not necessary to apologize for every little thing to be loved or accepted.
2) Being overly agreeable
Do you feel like your partner (or perhaps you) agrees with everything—even when it’s clear they don’t actually feel that way?
While compromise is essential in relationships, being overly agreeable is a different story. This behavior often stems from a fear of conflict or rejection, driving someone to say “yes” to avoid rocking the boat.
People with an intense need for validation may suppress their own needs and opinions, thinking it will make them more likable or easier to love. But in reality, it can lead to frustration and resentment over time—both for them and their partner.
True connection thrives on honesty, not constant agreement.
3) Constantly fishing for compliments
Who doesn’t like hearing nice things about themselves? Compliments are a natural and healthy part of relationships.
But when someone constantly seeks validation through praise—asking questions like “Do you really think I look good?” or “Do you actually think I’m smart enough for this?”—it can point to a deeper insecurity.
These folks often rely on external affirmations to feel worthy or valued. This can create a dynamic where their self-esteem is tied entirely to their partner’s feedback, leaving both people feeling drained over time.
4) Needing to always be in contact
Staying connected with our significant other is important, no doubt about it.
However, there’s a big difference between healthy communication and an overwhelming need to be in constant contact. Texting, calling, or checking in non-stop throughout the day can be a sign of insecurity or a deep-seated need for reassurance.
For someone seeking validation, silence can feel like rejection, even if it’s just a busy afternoon or a moment of personal downtime. This can lead to a cycle where they over-communicate to fill the void, often unintentionally putting pressure on their partner to respond immediately.
Healthy relationships thrive on trust and balance, not a play-by-play of every moment. Recognizing this behavior is the first step toward finding that equilibrium.
5) Frequently seeking reassurance about the relationship
This is a big one.
It’s normal to want to feel secure in your relationship, but when someone constantly asks questions like, “Are we okay?” or “Do you still love me?”, it may indicate an underlying need for validation.
This behavior often comes from a place of insecurity or fear of abandonment. While occasional check-ins are healthy, repeatedly seeking reassurance can strain the relationship, as it puts the burden of emotional stability on the other person.
Over time, this can make a partner feel like their love or commitment is never enough, leading to frustration or emotional exhaustion.
Notice this in yourself? Building trust in both yourself and the relationship is essential to breaking this cycle. A solid partnership is built on mutual confidence, not constant affirmation.
6) Seeking approval before making decisions
Making decisions together is a key part of any healthy relationship, but there’s a difference between collaboration and constantly needing your partner’s approval for even the smallest choices.
People with an unhealthy need for validation often struggle to trust their own judgment. They might ask questions like, “Do you think I should wear this?” or “Is it okay if I do this?”—even when the decision is entirely their own to make.
This behavior stems from a fear of making the “wrong” choice and being judged or rejected for it. While it might seem harmless at first, over time, it can create an unbalanced dynamic where one partner feels responsible for the other’s confidence.
7) Struggling to handle criticism
Last but not least, an unhealthy need for validation often shows up as an extreme sensitivity to criticism—even the constructive kind.
Those who crave approval may take even the gentlest feedback as a personal attack, feeling hurt or defensive instead of viewing it as an opportunity to grow. This response often stems from a deep fear of being judged or rejected.
In relationships, this can make honest communication difficult. Partners might start walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them, which can stifle open and meaningful conversations.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these behaviors can be a bit uncomfortable, but that’s okay—it’s the first step toward growth.
If you’ve noticed any of these signs in your partner or in yourself, remember that change is always possible. Small steps, like practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, or even seeking support from a trusted friend or therapist, can make a world of difference.
Healthy relationships start with a healthy relationship with ourselves. By addressing these patterns, you’re not only making life easier for your partner—you’re paving the way for a more secure, confident, and fulfilling connection for both of you.
You’ve got this.
