Interacting with criticism — it’s a skill that’s easier said than done, right?
I mean, no one exactly enjoys being told they’re wrong or that their work needs improvement. It can be tough to swallow.
Yet, some people seem to struggle with it more than others, often reacting in ways they might not even realize.
You see, it’s not always about the dramatic outbursts or the defensive excuses. Sometimes, it’s about those small, almost invisible signs that speak volumes about their discomfort with criticism.
In this article, I’m going to share 8 subtle behaviors that people who can’t handle criticism often display, without even realizing it.
1) They often deflect blame
Criticism can be a bitter pill to swallow.
But here’s the thing.
For those who struggle with it, there’s often an immediate impulse to deflect blame or responsibility. It’s as if the criticism is a hot potato they just can’t hold onto.
In their world, it’s always someone else’s fault — a coworker, a family member, or even the universe conspiring against them.
The interesting part is, they’re not always conscious of this deflection. It’s like an automatic defense mechanism that kicks in whenever criticism comes their way.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people or intentionally trying to shift blame.
It’s more about their difficulty in accepting responsibility when things go wrong, which could be a sign of their discomfort with criticism.
2) They indulge in victim mentality
Now, this one is a bit tricky.
Ever heard of the term “victim mentality”? It’s a common concept in psychology that describes a state of mind where people tend to perceive themselves as victims of the negative actions of others, even in the absence of clear evidence.
This mentality can be a shield against criticism.
Think about it.
If someone’s always the victim, then they’re never at fault, right? They’re just the innocent party suffering at the hands of others.
This mindset allows them to sidestep criticism, making it just another “unfair” attack they have to endure.
People with a victim mentality often don’t realize they’re in this state of mind. It’s a subconscious coping mechanism that helps them deal with criticism without having to face it head-on.
But recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking out of it, both for them and for those around them.
3) They counterattack with personal criticisms
Linking to the idea of the victim mentality, another subtle behavior displayed by people who struggle with criticism is counterattacking with personal criticisms.
It might seem counter-intuitive, I know.
Why would someone reacting poorly to criticism choose to dish it out themselves?
Well, it’s not so much about giving a taste of their own medicine, but more about diverting attention away from their own flaws and shortcomings.
If they can steer the focus onto someone else’s imperfections, then their own mistakes become less glaring, less open to scrutiny.
The catch here is that these counterattacks are often not relevant to the initial criticism. They’re more of a smokescreen, a way to shift the spotlight elsewhere.
This behavior, while not always conscious, can be an indication of an individual’s difficulty in processing and accepting constructive criticism.
4) They have a tendency to overgeneralize
Ever caught yourself saying, “I always mess up” or “I can’t do anything right”?
Overgeneralization is a cognitive distortion where one event is viewed as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
For people who can’t handle criticism, one piece of negative feedback can lead to an avalanche of self-deprecating thoughts. They might see it as proof that they’re not good enough, or that they never will be.
It’s like that one criticism confirms every fear and insecurity they’ve had about themselves. And because they see it as a pattern, they believe it will keep happening.
The thing is, this isn’t just about their ability to handle criticism, but also their self-esteem and self-perception.
Yet, recognizing this tendency to overgeneralize can often be the first step in breaking the cycle.
By identifying these thoughts for what they are – distortions, not truths – we can start to challenge them and develop a healthier response to criticism.
5) They exhibit physical discomfort
Our bodies often tell us more than we realize. The same goes for people who struggle with criticism.
You see, their discomfort isn’t just mental or emotional. It shows up physically too. You might notice:
- Increased fidgeting
- Tense posture
- Averted eye contact
These subtle cues can be easy to miss if you’re not paying attention. But once you know what to look for, they become clear indicators of someone’s struggle with criticism.
It’s important to remember, though, that everyone reacts differently. These signs may not be present in all people who have difficulty handling criticism.
However, when noticed in conjunction with other behaviors in this list, they can provide a more comprehensive understanding of the person’s discomfort.
6) They exhibit an excessive need for assurance
Let’s talk about reassurance.
We all need it from time to time, don’t we? It’s perfectly normal to seek validation and assurance, especially when we’re feeling unsure or anxious.
But here’s where it gets interesting.
People who struggle with handling criticism often exhibit an excessive need for assurance. They’re constantly looking for affirmations and validation to counterbalance the criticism they’ve received.
It’s like they’re on a seesaw. On one side is the criticism that weighs them down, and on the other side is the reassurance they seek to lift them back up.
I’ve observed this behavior in people around me and in some ways, even in myself. It’s not always easy to recognize, since it can be disguised as humility or self-deprecation.
Yet, understanding this can provide us with a clearer picture of how criticism is perceived by those who find it challenging to handle, and how we can better communicate with them.
7) They avoid situations where they might be criticized
Imagine you’re invited to a public speaking event. You’re not too confident about your public speaking skills and you’re afraid of the potential criticism you might receive. What would you do?
For people who can’t handle criticism, the answer often is – they’ll avoid it altogether.
They’d much rather stay in their comfort zone than expose themselves to a situation where they might be criticized. It’s a preemptive strike, a way to shield themselves from potential negative feedback.
But what if the event could have been a great networking opportunity? What if it could have helped them to improve their public speaking skills?
Unfortunately, their fear of criticism can often prevent them from stepping out of their comfort zone and seizing these opportunities.
If you find yourself avoiding situations due to fear of criticism, it’s worth asking – is the potential criticism really that scary? Or is it holding you back more than you realize?
8) They struggle with self-compassion
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, people who struggle with criticism often have a hard time practicing self-compassion.
Self-compassion involves being kind to oneself in instances of perceived inadequacy or failure. It’s the ability to understand that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to be imperfect.
People who find criticism difficult to handle often beat themselves up over their mistakes, rather than treating themselves with kindness and understanding.
They expect perfection from themselves and see criticism as a sign of failure rather than an opportunity for growth.
This struggle with self-compassion is a key aspect of their difficulty with criticism.
And it’s also a crucial point for us to understand, whether we’re trying to support someone else or working on our own reactions to criticism.
So, what can we do about it?
Understanding these behaviors is just the first step. The real progress comes in acknowledging them and taking steps to manage them better. Here are a few strategies that might help:
- Practicing mindfulness can help us become more aware of our reactions to criticism.
- Developing a growth mindset can shift our perception of criticism from something negative to a valuable tool for learning and growth.
- Engaging in regular self-reflection can help us identify and challenge any cognitive distortions like overgeneralization.
No one is born with the ability to handle criticism perfectly. It’s a skill that we develop over time, through conscious effort and practice. So, don’t be too hard on yourself (or on others) if you recognize some of these behaviors.
Understanding is the first step towards change. As we continue to navigate criticism in our lives, let’s strive to do so with more awareness, kindness, and self-compassion.
