Growing up, we all hear things from our parents that stick with us. Some phrases are comforting and encouraging, but others—well, they leave scars.
If you’ve ever felt like certain words from your childhood left you doubting yourself, questioning your worth, or feeling invisible, you’re not alone.
As someone who’s spent years diving into psychology and self-improvement, I’ve come to realize how profoundly the things our parents say can shape us—especially when those parents are narcissistic, toxic, or emotionally neglectful.
Words are powerful, and in the wrong hands, they can wound in ways we don’t even recognize until much later in life.
In this article, I’m going to break down 6 common phrases that these kinds of parents tend to use—and what psychology says about them.
1) “Stop being so sensitive.”
At first, it sounds harmless—like a casual remark meant to toughen you up. But according to psychology, this phrase often goes hand-in-hand with emotional invalidation.
When a parent dismisses your feelings by calling you “too sensitive,” they’re essentially telling you that your emotions don’t matter or aren’t valid. Over time, this can make you doubt your own reactions, suppress your feelings, and struggle to express yourself in healthy ways.
For me, this kind of dismissal planted seeds of self-doubt that took years to unlearn. Instead of feeling heard or understood, I felt like I had to bottle everything up just to avoid being criticized again.
If this phrase sounds familiar to you, know that your emotions are valid—always. Learning to honor what you feel is a huge step toward healing and breaking free from the limiting beliefs toxic words like this can create.
2) “You’ll never be good enough.”
This one still stings when I think about it. Growing up, I constantly felt like no matter what I did, it was never enough to meet my parents’ expectations. Whether it was school grades, hobbies, or even how I spoke and acted, there was always some critique waiting for me.
I remember once showing my dad a painting I had worked on for weeks. His response? “It’s okay, but don’t get your hopes up—you’re not exactly an artist.”
At the time, I laughed it off, but deep down, those words stayed with me. They became the voice in my own head every time I tried to pursue something meaningful in my life: “Why bother? You’re not good enough.”
Breaking free from this toxic pattern has been a journey. It started by challenging that inner voice and reminding myself that perfection isn’t the goal—progress is.
If you’ve heard something like this from a parent, know this: you are already enough exactly as you are. Don’t let anyone else’s words convince you otherwise.
3) “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
I’ll never forget the time my mom compared me to my older cousin, who seemed to excel at everything—straight A’s, star athlete, and the golden child of every family gathering.
I had just brought home a decent report card, feeling proud of myself for the effort I’d put in, only for her to say, “That’s fine, but look at how well Sarah is doing. Why can’t you be more like her?”
Hearing those words crushed me. It wasn’t just about my grades—it felt like I wasn’t enough as a person. Instead of feeling supported for who I was, I felt like I had to constantly measure up to someone else’s achievements just to earn love or approval. It’s a comparison game that no one ever wins.
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Psychologists have long emphasized how damaging these comparisons can be for a child’s self-esteem.
If this phrase hits close to home for you too, remember that your value isn’t tied to anyone else’s accomplishments.
You are enough simply by being you.
4) “You’re just being dramatic.”
Anytime I was upset about something or tried to express my feelings, the response was the same: “You’re just being dramatic.”
Whether it was a tough day at school or feeling hurt by a friend’s comment, my emotions were always minimized, as if they weren’t worth acknowledging.
At first, I started second-guessing myself—”Am I overreacting? Am I too much?” But over time, I stopped sharing how I felt altogether. It taught me to bury my feelings instead of processing them, which only led to more anxiety and self-doubt down the road.
Research backs this up.
A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children who experience emotional invalidation from their parents are more likely to develop emotional regulation difficulties and higher levels of psychological distress later in life.
Essentially, when our emotions are dismissed, we lose confidence in our ability to understand and manage them.
If this phrase feels all too familiar to you, remember this: your feelings are real, and they matter. Don’t let anyone—parent or otherwise—make you feel like you have to shrink them to fit their comfort zone.
5) “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This phrase carried the implication that my very existence was a burden, something others had to “tolerate.” For years afterward, I found myself walking on eggshells around people, unconsciously trying to prove that I wasn’t too much to handle.
Psychologically, phrases like this can create a deep sense of shame and unworthiness.
According to Dr. Jonice Webb, an expert on emotional neglect, “Children who are made to feel like a burden often grow up believing their needs are unimportant or even bothersome to others.”
This belief can carry into adulthood, making it hard to set boundaries or ask for help without feeling guilty.
It’s taken me a while to unlearn this toxic message and remind myself that I don’t have to earn anyone’s acceptance—I’m not a burden just for being who I am.
If you’ve heard something similar growing up, let me tell you what I wish someone told me: You are not an inconvenience, and you never were.
6) “You’ll never amount to anything.”
I still remember the first time my dad said this to me. I was 14 and had just failed a math test I’d worked really hard on. Instead of hearing, “It’s okay, try again next time,” I got, “If you can’t even pass a simple test, you’ll never amount to anything.”
Those words cut deep, and they didn’t just sting in the moment—they stuck with me for years.
Dr. Carol Dweck, a psychologist known for her research on motivation and mindset, has spoken extensively about how powerful words like these can shape a person’s belief in their potential.
She says, “If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.”
Unfortunately, hearing “you’ll never amount to anything” does the opposite—it fosters a fixed mindset that makes you believe your abilities are set in stone.
For me, overcoming this took time and conscious effort. I started by challenging that internalized belief and reminding myself that failure wasn’t a reflection of my worth but part of the learning process.
Healing starts with awareness
If any of these phrases struck a nerve, it’s because words have the power to shape us—especially when they come from the people meant to nurture and protect us.
Recognizing these harmful patterns is the first step toward breaking free from their grip.
Here’s some practical advice: Start by rewriting the narrative. The things your parents said to you don’t have to define your worth or your future.
When those old phrases creep into your mind, challenge them. Replace “I’ll never be good enough” with “I’m proud of my progress.” Replace “I’m too much” with “My feelings are valid.”
And if the weight feels too heavy to carry alone, consider speaking with a therapist or trusted friend. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but every small step builds a stronger foundation for self-worth and emotional resilience.
You are not your parents’ words. You are so much more than that—and you have the power to create a new story moving forward.