Respect isn’t automatic—it’s earned. And when it comes to your relationship with your adult child, that couldn’t be more true.
As they grow older, they start seeing you not just as a parent, but as a person.
They notice your habits, your reactions, and yes, even the behaviors that might push them away.
If you want to keep their respect and maintain a strong bond, it’s time to take a hard look at the things that could be damaging your relationship—often without you even realizing it.
Here are the behaviors to leave behind.
1) Refusing to acknowledge their independence
There comes a point when your child isn’t a child anymore. They have their own life, their own responsibilities, and their own way of doing things.
But if you still treat them like they’re the same kid who needed your permission for everything, they’ll start to pull away.
Constantly giving unsolicited advice, questioning their decisions, or expecting them to prioritize your opinions over their own can feel suffocating.
It sends the message that you don’t trust them to handle adulthood on their own.
If you want to keep their respect, you have to show them respect first—starting with recognizing that they are fully capable of making their own choices, even if they’re different from what you would choose.
2) Dismissing their feelings
I used to think I was helping when I told my child, “Oh, it’s not that bad,” or “You’ll be fine, don’t overthink it.” I thought I was offering reassurance.
But one day, my adult child finally said, “When you say that, it just makes me feel like my feelings don’t matter.” That hit me hard.
I realized that by brushing off their emotions—whether it was stress about work, frustration with a friend, or just a bad day—I wasn’t making them feel better. I was making them feel unheard.
Respect goes both ways. If I want my child to respect me, I have to respect what they feel, even if I don’t fully understand it.
Sometimes, they don’t need solutions or perspective—they just need me to listen.
3) Never apologizing
Some parents believe that saying “I’m sorry” undermines their authority, but in reality, it does the opposite.
Studies show that sincere apologies actually increase respect and trust in relationships.
When you admit you were wrong, it shows maturity, humility, and emotional intelligence—all qualities your adult child will admire.
On the other hand, refusing to apologize, even when you’ve clearly hurt them, can create resentment. It sends the message that your pride is more important than your relationship.
Owning up to mistakes doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human—and a parent worth respecting.
4) Trying to control their choices
It’s hard to let go of the instinct to protect and guide your child, but as they grow into adulthood, they need the freedom to make their own choices—even the ones you don’t agree with.
Trying to control who they date, how they spend their money, or what career path they take will only push them away.
No one wants to feel like they’re constantly being judged or micromanaged, especially by their own parent.
Respecting their autonomy doesn’t mean you have to approve of every decision they make. It just means accepting that it’s their life to live, not yours to dictate.
5) Making everything about yourself
I used to think I was just sharing my perspective, but at some point, I realized I was constantly shifting conversations back to myself.
If my child opened up about a problem, I’d jump in with a story about when I went through something similar.
If they set a boundary, I’d focus on how it made me feel instead of why they needed it.
It wasn’t intentional, but it sent the message that their experiences were only important in relation to mine. And that’s not fair.
Respecting your adult child means giving them space to express themselves without making it about you. Sometimes, they just need you to listen—without turning their moment into yours.
6) Always putting them first
It might seem like prioritizing your child above everything else would earn their respect, but in reality, it can do the opposite.
If you constantly sacrifice your own needs, happiness, or well-being for them, it can create guilt, pressure, and even resentment.
No one wants to feel like they’re responsible for their parent’s entire sense of purpose.
The truth is, your adult child will respect you more if they see you respecting yourself. Pursue your own interests, maintain your own friendships, and take care of your own happiness.
A strong, independent parent is someone they can admire—not someone they feel obligated to take care of.
7) Refusing to let the past go
Bringing up past mistakes—whether theirs or yours—can keep your relationship stuck in a cycle of guilt and frustration.
If you constantly remind your child of the times they disappointed you, they’ll start to feel like nothing they do now will ever be enough.
And if you refuse to forgive yourself for parenting mistakes, they might feel like they have to carry that emotional weight for you.
Growth and respect thrive in the present, not the past. A healthy relationship means acknowledging what happened, learning from it, and moving forward—together.
8) Believing respect should be unconditional
Respect isn’t something you get just because you’re a parent—it’s something you earn through your actions.
If you expect your adult child to respect you no matter what, without considering how you treat them, you’re not asking for respect. You’re asking for obedience.
Real respect comes from mutual understanding, open communication, and treating each other as equals. If you want them to respect you as they grow older, show them that you respect them too.
Respect is a two-way street
Hopefully, if you’ve read this far, you’ve realized that respect isn’t just something you demand—it’s something you cultivate.
Because being a parent doesn’t entitle you to respect. It’s how you treat your adult child that determines whether they will genuinely admire and value you in their life.
The strongest parent-child relationships aren’t built on authority or obligation. They’re built on mutual understanding, trust, and the willingness to grow together.
